Facebook Post by Rabbi Perlin in the Time of Coronavirus (4/30/2020)
Thursday Post 4.30.20: Being There
by Rabbi Amy R. Perlin, D.D.
One of my favorite two words of the Torah are found in Exodus 24:12: “The Lord said to Moses, “Come up to ME on the mountain and BE THERE…” Generations of commentators and rabbis have asked, “Where else would Moses be, if he was on the mountain?” And the answer is so very clear, especially in our own multi-tasking times. It is possible to BE THERE physically, but not be there in so many other ways. When God commands Moses to BE THERE, God is really teaching Moses, and us, that physical presence alone isn’t enough. There is so much more to BEING THERE. In our time, there are so many other ways to BE THERE, in a holy way, without being physically present.
I teach this lesson today, because of the circumstances we find ourselves in. Last night, Gary and I attended a worldwide shiva minyan. There is no way all of us could have fit into a NYC apartment to mourn with someone we care deeply about, but the gift of Zoom and the unexpected reality of this pandemic made it possible. The mourner could not be at graveside that day, but was able to bury a loved one, nonetheless, thanks to caring and sensitive clergy (what I wrote about on April 19th). And ‘sitting shiva’ following the burial, as is our custom and obligation, is impossible as we know it. We can’t fill a living room and hug. Today as we social distance, we are finding new ways to offer our sympathy and support.
To fulfill the mitzvah of comforting the mourner, we physically attend funerals, burials, and shiva, whenever we possibly can. BEING THERE is what our tradition is all about. But, the reality of our lives is that so many of our close friends and family don’t live in our neighborhoods anymore. Many of us have been unable to BE THERE for people we care about over the years. What we are learning through this crisis, is that we have new ways and technologies to overcome that.
After last night’s service, I told Gary that when I die, I want a Zoom minyan one of the days. We live on two coasts and we have friends all over the globe on multiple continents. What a mitzvah to allow everyone to gather. What a comfort to be able to be a part of a gathering of people who sincerely want to BE THERE. People who know me know that I am always planning. As I sort through old photos, I am planning to have all the pictures ready for when the time comes to have a memorial – I’m not there yet in my sorting, so hopefully there will be no immediate need. TMI.
I have always tried to hear God reminding me to BE THERE –whether in person, or long distance, in a note, or on the phone. How many people are holed-up with loved ones and are making the effort to REALLY BE THERE – to have meaningful conversations and meet real, emotional needs. In the midst of laundry, cleaning, putting three square-meals on the table with food we have to secure online, and all the lessons, classes, meetings, and work, let alone friend gatherings and connections, it is sometimes really hard to BE THERE for someone else, let alone yourself. But, it is important.
BE THERE. Multi-tasking is our norm, but we really do have the luxury of focusing now more than ever. When I put my name up on a Zoom screen instead of my face, it is often because I just don’t want to be seen and studied, as I listen and learn. And, I don’t like being distracted by the people on the Zoom screen, some of whom are listening intently, others who are clearing emails and taking calls, and too many who didn’t look in the mirror before they got on screen of look at the mess behind them before they got on the call. We can BE THERE in many different ways, but the intent is to be fully present – mind, body, and spirit. If it were easy, then God wouldn’t have made a point to remind Moses.
And sometimes, BEING THERE is just exhausting. I get that. But, I am seeing new ways that people are truly able to BE THERE for one another, and I like it. I like having tea with a colleague in Israel or NY, via Zoom – something we wouldn’t have done before this imposed isolation. And I am grateful to be able to BE THERE for those who are hurting and grieving. Keeping others close, even as we are isolated and distanced, is what will get us through.
As we climb this pandemic’s mountain, it is comforting to know that God is there, and all that God wants us to do for one another is BE THERE.