Facebook Post by Rabbi Perlin in the Time of Coronavirus (3/22/2020)
Sunday Post (March 22nd, 2020): Taking Control Where We Can
by Rabbi Amy R. Perlin, D.D.
I am posting a bit late today, because we have been cleaning and organizing to get ready to move and because that it is something in my control. My house is always clean, but as we are cooped up together, we are each doing our part in sorting out our lives. Every family photo and album is now packed and Marie Condo would be happy, because each one gave me immense joy and filled my heart with happy memories. The tea is all sorted into caddies, including one that is just herbal for my friends who prefer that when they visit. Gary, God bless him, went through every VHS and DVD to sort into piles: new condo, Williamsburg, LA, give away, and then there are the boxes of my complete sets of Star Trek and Next Generation on VHS (if you want them, they are yours! Just send me a message or an email.) We have been wanting to do this for over a decade. Now our grandchildren can continue to watch the wholesome programming their fathers watched as children – programming that doesn’t exist on Netflix or Amazon Prime. And all of Gary’s records (he calls them LP’s) are sorted and boxed for the first time in our almost 44 years of marriage. All the family VHS are boxed up to be sent away to be digitized. My counters are sparkling (gotta love Windex!).
The rabbi in me is channeling my inner Rabbi Tarfon who said in Pirke Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) Chapter 2, verse 20: “The day is short, and the task is great, and the workers are sluggish, and the wages are high, and the Master of the house is pressing.” I lengthened the day by getting up at 5 a.m., I had a list of tasks a mile long, my Fitbit just buzzed that I have taken 10,000 steps and walked four miles (and I haven’t left the house today!) [so you can’t call me sluggish], and as the Mistress of this house, I can tell you that I am pressing. But, today, it is all about the “wages.” I want to benefit from this isolation. I want a pay off!
We all like to have control over our lives. With working, family responsibilities, friendships, volunteer work, and a host of other things that keep us more than busy, we try to control our calendars and our work-life balance, and our “me vs. we” time. If you are like me, then the thing that falls by the wayside are the other kinds of control that we give up as we are consumed with the busyness of our lives – that closet, the garage, the Cheerios in the back seat of the car, the sock drawer, the drawers that somehow breed when we look away. But, now, our lives are upside down. We have lost control of so much from social time with others to volunteer time for others. Lack of control creates anxiety and frustration. So, I am sharing this with you to help you take control where you can. No more procrastinating; no more excuses.
But Rabbi, I wouldn’t know where to start! Isn’t it better for me to just binge watch that TV show I have been wanting to see? As a master binge watcher, I can assure you that taking control of your space and your home life will reap rewards beyond measure. Your time is valuable, and you have lots of it right now. So how to begin?
Don’t tackle everything. Start small. One drawer. Shoes. Purses. Those boxes with taxes from 1999. Under the kitchen sink. The bathroom sink. “That” drawer in the kitchen (well, maybe save that for another day!). Your car or your trunk. Try not to do computer clean up or catching up on periodicals – you don’t get any exercise doing that. Don’t be sluggish. Get up and take control of the clutter and chaos, one small space at a time.
All those years I did pre-marital and marriage counseling, many couples complained about the fact that one partner was often the “messy” one, and sometimes it was really getting in the way of the relationship. Now is not the time to drag your partner into this unwillingly. Gary’s in the garage right now, because he wants to be, not because I guilted him or forced him. REALLY. This is something for you to do to take control, as our world is out of control.
Channel your inner Rabbi Tarfon, who said in the next verse:
“You are not required to complete the work, but neither are you at liberty to abstain from it.” Emphasis on the word YOU. Leave the kids out of this. Do this for you. Take control of what you can. It is a mental and physical exercise that will stimulate all the good stuff in your pandemic-overloaded brain. Having control over something right now, is just what you need. And what better place to start than home.